Things in my life have continued to get crazier and crazier and I really do not know how to get everything under control. I am so utterly lost in all my shit it isn't even funny in any remote sort of way. I honestly do not have any idea what the future is going to hold for me. I am just concentrating on holding myself together but it kind of feels like I'm trying to keep a dam from breaking with my bare hands.
Currently I am in Minnesota, I got flown here on a moments notice cause I guess the way I was talking and the way I sounded scared my mother. She flew me out here the same night I called her. However, being here is only putting a pause on things, not really helping. It's just distracting me from everything and letting me in a way distance myself from my problems. I don't know what would really help. I'm even working and I still feel empty, lost, like a mere shell of a person. I am trapped by my own mind, my own problems, and my own compulsions to the point everything just seems hopeless. All that seems to be left is the shit that consumes me and the relationship that gives me the small shred of hope I've managed to hold onto. I am stuck on a sinking ship.